New Priorities

Now that my life is coming together, I've had some time to think about where I really want to go from here. Do I want to rebuild? That means that I have to have had some sort of prior foundation that I want to fix. In all honestly, I think I want to take this opportunity as a new adventure, a new start to an old self.

If you recall (if you either know me in person or have been reading my blog for so long), last August/September I started a job with a company that just didn't work out. It wasn't mutual--it was my decision. It wasn't the right fit for me, even though they thought I was doing a great job. I just didn't feel like I was accomplishing anything. Now I know what led me to that ill-fated career. I wanted a job. I wanted any job. It just so happened to be related to my college field of study, but was I really that passionate about it? No.

I now have a second chance. A chance to do something that I wanted for myself. Not just a job because it was related to my college major, but something that I've wanted to do for so long now. So with my move back to Charlottesville coming in the next couple of weeks, I am ready to reassess.

What it comes down to is this: I don't want to be perfect under different circumstances. I don't always want to be waiting for the right timing or hopeful that things will change and fall into place. I want to always be perfect--my idea of perfection, not someone else's definition of it.

I'm tired of being a liability. I felt that way all last year. I felt like I was a negative opportunity cost. I was stagnant, and even through trial and error, I could not change that. I want to live actively, not passively. I'm going to take charge rather than letting time pass me by and assuming that waiting is the name of the game. Whomever said patience is a virtue was wrong--you don't get anywhere by waiting around. I know this, because I have lived this.

With my impending move to Charlottesville, I want to be my number one priority. This comes in numerous forms:

• I want to be a better daughter. There was a time my mother and I were super close. These past several weeks have tested that, but I always love her. We just work better apart. I used to think we are too different, but really we are too similar. Similar in personality/quirks, different in interests.

Mom's visit to Cville, Spring 2010

• I want to be a great friend. There were a few friends that I neglected toward the end of my time in Charlottesville. I wasn't in the best frame of mind, and because of this, I want to strengthen the bonds that I have there. I want to be there for the important life events. I want to enjoy the time I spend with these people.

My "Stepmom" Toni, my biggest motivator

My "Big Sister" Stacy, my greatest supporter

The Crew, from back in the day: Celia, Jeff, Madelyn, Cijlvere

• I want to achieve my goals. I still want to do a bikini competition. Don't know when, but why just stop dreaming? It's going to happen.

• I want to meet new people/go on new adventures. Okay so this is bound to happen one way or another, but I think it's about time I finally joined my friends' Cville Social football league. Amongst other things.

Bonfire with the sister and Amanda

I'm ready for these changes, and I'm not just sitting around hoping they will happen. Call me proactive, but I'm going for it, and I am my first priority.