So why 111% instead of 100%, or even 110%?? Well, 100% just isn't enough
Before I go any further, I do want to make a confession. I'm not sure if it will be all that shocking or not, seeing as it's probably very common. Like practically every other girl out there, I
|Looking at pics, I was TINY.|
|Even here, I felt big...but that's UVa for you. PS, that shirt is|
way too big for me. Yet at the time I thought it was too small.
People ask me if I have been noticing results, and I can't honestly say that I have seen a huge difference. I've been working out with my trainer since June. I've been working toward this figure competition since December/January. Do I feel thinner? No. Do I feel leaner? No. Okay, maybe I have a little bit more muscle, but do I really feel strong? No. Maybe that's what's driving this obsession--I want all that. And more. Do I want to be obsessed about this competition? Maybe. If it means that I get to look/feel the way that others perceive me, then maybe I do want to be obsessed. Is it an unhealthy obsession? I don't think so.
I think part of why I was frustrated at the gym the other night was because of this. I just feel weak still. And I'm impatient. This is such a heavy post, so I appreciate it if you read it all. It's kind of the abridged version, but I think I hit all the main events/points.
I'm 111% obsessed with my goal of my first figure competition. But I don't want to just compete, I want to place. I want to be good at my goal. So if it consumes my thoughts when I'm at work, in class, or out with friends, so be it. My mindset has changed though--I'm doing this to feel strong, not to feel thin.