I'm so glad you all enjoyed my
rant humor about interstate driving on Sunday! I figured that the post would either get met with a few of these: "Hey now!" but it seems like my sarcasm was well-liked. Thanks for that!
I didn't get around to talking much about my weekend at the beach, but I do want to give it some airtime. I drove down to the beach one confused little girl, frustrated with the job hunt, frustrated with the gym, and frustrated with my current lifestyle (read: lack of career, fleeting friends--darn you college town!, and just general indecision). For once, I can say that although I spent the weekend with my trusty sidekick, Archie, he was not my reason for the short trip. I honestly just needed some time to decompress, time to think about what I want to do and where I want to be come May. And I got a little bit closer to figuring that out.
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| Oh beach! Post-run. |
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| SoBe lifewater with coconut water. Can I be their spokesperson?? |
All in all, it was a fairly quiet weekend, full of a lot of inner dialogue. I got in a couple of good, long runs along my old favorite running routes, which helped me think more rationally. So here's where I am so far:
I mentioned several days ago that I had a meeting on Friday that could present me with a life opportunity. In actuality, it would be a career/learning move that would change my lifestyle for a good length of time, and I've been debating whether or not it is worth it. I met with a naval officer recruiter to talk to her about a couple of options within the Navy. Although I definitely had a lot of
wrong preconceived notions about Navy life, I learned a lot of the benefits of joining and how long each path would take. Hypothetically, if I were to go this route, I would strive for acceptance into their aviation program. The only problem with that--it's a 10 year commitment. Approximately 2 years of training and 8 years of service. On the one hand, that's job security. On the other hand, hell--that's scary sh*t!
This isn't my #1 career choice, but I also haven't
completely ruled it out as an option. My biggest concern is my motive for joining, if I do...and that's a big if. I have a general tendency to do one of two things when I get completely stressed out and overwhelmed: 1. become a recluse until I find a more manageable level of stress, or 2. run away (mostly figuratively). However, in this situation, if joining the Navy was my form of running away, then I'm pretty much running into shark infested waters. Once again, this is an option, but I've been shying away from it after having the past few days to think about it.
Of course, timing just happens to be
perfect ironic in that I got a call from my current manager at Loft on Saturday. This presented me with option #2, which had more time constraints and wasn't necessarily a sure thing. Back when I was commuting between here and Richmond, I had the pleasure of meeting some pretty important people within the company, and my work at the Richmond store did not go unnoticed. From here, I had the Richmond store manager asking several people for me, by name, in order to create a full-time position for me within their store.
Well, during my phone call Saturday, my manager mentioned that our district manager--the one with the local authority to secure me this position--was leaving the company as of this Friday, and if I want the position, it's mine. However, it's not so much of a done deal because I'd be going down there with a part-time position in the hopes of it transitioning to full-time in approximately 13 weeks. For as much as I've enjoyed working within the company, I realized I don't have the passion for it in order to make this a career for myself. I was having a hard time admitting that, but as someone helpfully pointed out to me recently, working at Loft (in the position that I have) is a job, not necessarily a career. I don't want to offend anyone, because I know that for the right person, it
can be a career... But it's just not what I want from myself. I know this sounds a bit wrong, but I want to be defined by my career to a certain extent, and I just want more from myself. So with that, I broke the news that it was too much of a risk for too much uncertainty in a city that I know I am not fond of in the least.
That leaves me with option #3, which is actually #1 on my desirable careers list: medical device sales. Yes, yes, I've mentioned it before, and I'm finished with the certification I needed to progress in my job hunt. Now the only roadblock is meeting the other qualifications for the positions deemed "entry level" and playing the waiting game. Let me tell you something--this girl is not patient! It's also frustrating when you're looking to relocate--somehow it seems like that makes me less desirable to the companies I've applied to with out-of-state vacancies. If my job hunt was a board game, I would not be collecting $200 every time I pass go at the present moment. But hey, if a
thimble can own Boardwalk Place, then there's still some hope, right?!
And I'm off topic...
If stream of consciousness was a job requirement, I'd be set fo' life, yo! ...Back to my weekend. So those decisions were made, but I also was faced with the daunting health and fitness decisions/goals/whatever you call it. Those running routes that I mentioned earlier--I missed them. Not necessarily for the location, but for the memories they elicited of my days as a runner. For the record, I do not currently consider myself a runner. I don't really consider myself a bikini or figure competitor either. I do consider myself an athlete, as I have numerous athletic tendencies and habits.
If there was a superlative for athletes, I'd strive to be Best All-Around. Between just Saturday and Sunday, I ran over 14 miles. Add on Monday's two runs totaling a little over 8 miles, and I have a solid 22+ miles in 3 days. Good for my current standards, but mediocre compared to some of the running blogs I follow. Maybe I should just blame those bloggers, but I've found myself stuck at a crossroad between training goals. Do I continue down my bikini competition road--which I'd fallen off of nutritionally lately due to issues (not being hungry thus not eating 6 meals a day, not being hungry for the right foods, stomach bug & stress)--or do I up my intensity and gain that title of "runner"?
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| Do I want to capture more events in these kicks? |
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| The neons seem to be really photogenic. |
Either way, I'm not going to be giving up strength training and cross-training. I refuse. I also think that I am just trying to do too much too soon, in a very minimal time frame. For goodness sake--I move out of my apartment toward the end of May! I'm trying to find a job! Do I need to worry about my diet macros and whether or not I'm working hard enough to lean out?
I think the honest answer here is no. However, with that comes an incredible feeling of guilt. And I know, I know, I really should not be feeling guilty about this. But I feel like such a stage tease (for lack of better phrasing). I keep telling myself--and telling you all--that I'm going to do amazing things, but I just haven't been able to yet. I don't yet know what competing in a bikini competition can do for me, but I know what running can do for me, and I trust it.
I stumbled upon a box of mementos the other day--running medals, newspaper clippings of ranks and times--those sort of things. And yes, I do miss competitive running, especially when I read about it on a daily basis. However, if that's the route I choose to pursue (which is highly likely for the next few months...at least til I move and start a career--then I'll reconsider bikini), I'm going to do a few things differently. Like I said, I'll be keeping up with the strength training and incorporating more cross-training. I also just want to re-evaluate my nutrition as compared to what it was back in my heyday. I want to keep my muscle base, and not waste away into the unnecessarily yet unhealthily tiny thing that I was back during high school. Note to self: a bag of Smart Pop popcorn is
NOT a meal.
Luckily, this goal change is pretty easy, and I'm not totally giving up on the bikini competition. Just putting it off yet again, until I find a better mentality
which will only come with a known career and known living arrangements. Am I a bit disappointed? Yes. Will I get over it? Yes. All in all, I'm content with this decision. And look, I even got some new gear to prove it!
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| Pretty colors! And yes, the sports bra matches my shoes. |
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New kicks! Note to self: you are not a character
on Fresh Prince, so stop saying "kicks"! |
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Mizunos for $40 at TJMaxx? Confession: I drove back to Cville
to snatch these up before they were gone...after a little research. |
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| Why yes, I do need to Windex my mirror. |
Any tough decisions lately?
Also, for whoever searched my blog for "shoes size" and/or "long toes" lately, I promise I really don't have big feet. I generally wear a size 8 in sandals, etc. Heels are 7 1/2 because I have narrow feet. However, when it comes to running shoes, I generally wear a size 10. I've also worn wide running shoes because of my "long toes"--I need the extra room in the toe box for my wee ones to expand. The Mizunos pictured are actually a 9.5 but they fit like a glove, phew! Now will the curious reader please come forward! I promise I won't tell your significant other that you have a foot fetish! ;)
