Well, a few days back, said boy contacted me. And tried to start up the same shenanigans--saying he would give anything to see me again, asking what he did that was so bad, etc. Did I mention I received this text at 3:30am?! Yes, you read that right--3:30am!!! Today he starts up the same thing, except this time trying to cut me down--telling me I suck when I say I don't want to be part of his life, calling me a "stupid little girl" and a "stereotypical scornful woman," saying I'm hateful and immature. In the past, this would have gotten to me, but I took a different approach today. First, I did not say a hateful word to the guy. Second, I didn't let him get a rise out of me--I took the high road and stood up for myself instead of retaliating with "hateful" words. It really is the best "revenge" to let someone know you are better off without them (when it's the truth). Today I was told, "You suck." And today was the same day I spoke the truth and believed it when I said, "You're the only one that thinks that, because I know I'm 100% awesome."
I definitely have to contribute my renewed, proud sense of self to all of the training I've been doing. Not to mention the people I surround myself with (both virtually--love you bloggers!--and physically) on a daily basis. Reading so many of your words of honesty is so encouraging. I've only lived a short time, and I know I've only been through a fraction of what some of you have been through on your journey through life, but it does seem like a lot to me. Especially because I seem to go through the phases of bad company, and I don't realize it until after the fact. I'm so grateful that I've met the people I have during my preparation for this competition, and I think that is what is going to help drive me to the first stop on this road. The first stop being my first competition. I can't honestly say that I see an end to this road, because it isn't going to end after I compete. I truly believe that.
I also believe that you can have great self-esteem no matter how you look or how much you weigh. That being said, I do think my self-confidence is greater now that I am fit and trim and kicking major butt at the gym. Do I think it is because of how I look? Not really. I think it is because I know all of the energy I put into myself each day--going to the gym twice a day is a commitment. Buying healthy (more expensive) groceries is a commitment. Drinking a gallon of water a day--commitment. Going to sleep by 10 at latest and waking up at 5am--commitment. I know I still have a ways to go--6 weeks eek!!--and I know that I may not be exactly where I want to be right now, but I sure as hell am far from where I started and am really close to where I want to be. And that makes me prouder than you will ever know. You can try to come at me with hateful words, but I know the truth because I am the reason that I am where I am today.
**I know this post was a little out of the ordinary for me, but I hope you enjoyed it just as much and were able to get a bit of an insight into who I am. I think more so than anything, if you are training for a competition, a race, etc., you should be doing it for you.
I challenge you to think about why you are REALLY trying to reach your current goal! Was it your idea? What gave you the spark to really get going? If you have reached one of the stops on your road, what have you learned about yourself??
MUCH LOVE BLOGGING BUDDIES!!!