Sunday, June 12, 2011

You Can't Get Me Down!!

You know those people that thrive on others' upsets and try to degrade your self-esteem? Well I was lucky unfortunate enough to "date" one of those people about a year ago. For 10 months, we were never "in a relationship" according to him, which caused me loads of turmoil at the time--for far too long. Looking back, the day that he left me for another girl was the best thing that ever happened between us. And I do try to not look back--the negative really does outweigh the positive.

Well, a few days back, said boy contacted me. And tried to start up the same shenanigans--saying he would give anything to see me again, asking what he did that was so bad, etc. Did I mention I received this text at 3:30am?! Yes, you read that right--3:30am!!! Today he starts up the same thing, except this time trying to cut me down--telling me I suck when I say I don't want to be part of his life, calling me a "stupid little girl" and a "stereotypical scornful woman," saying I'm hateful and immature. In the past, this would have gotten to me, but I took a different approach today. First, I did not say a hateful word to the guy. Second, I didn't let him get a rise out of me--I took the high road and stood up for myself instead of retaliating with "hateful" words. It really is the best "revenge" to let someone know you are better off without them (when it's the truth). Today I was told, "You suck." And today was the same day I spoke the truth and believed it when I said, "You're the only one that thinks that, because I know I'm 100% awesome."

I definitely have to contribute my renewed, proud sense of self to all of the training I've been doing. Not to mention the people I surround myself with (both virtually--love you bloggers!--and physically) on a daily basis. Reading so many of your words of honesty is so encouraging. I've only lived a short time, and I know I've only been through a fraction of what some of you have been through on your journey through life, but it does seem like a lot to me. Especially because I seem to go through the phases of bad company, and I don't realize it until after the fact. I'm so grateful that I've met the people I have during my preparation for this competition, and I think that is what is going to help drive me to the first stop on this road. The first stop being my first competition. I can't honestly say that I see an end to this road, because it isn't going to end after I compete. I truly believe that.

I also believe that you can have great self-esteem no matter how you look or how much you weigh. That being said, I do think my self-confidence is greater now that I am fit and trim and kicking major butt at the gym. Do I think it is because of how I look? Not really. I think it is because I know all of the energy I put into myself each day--going to the gym twice a day is a commitment. Buying healthy (more expensive) groceries is a commitment. Drinking a gallon of water a day--commitment. Going to sleep by 10 at latest and waking up at 5am--commitment. I know I still have a ways to go--6 weeks eek!!--and I know that I may not be exactly where I want to be right now, but I sure as hell am far from where I started and am really close to where I want to be. And that makes me prouder than you will ever know. You can try to come at me with hateful words, but I know the truth because I am the reason that I am where I am today.

**I know this post was a little out of the ordinary for me, but I hope you enjoyed it just as much and were able to get a bit of an insight into who I am. I think more so than anything, if you are training for a competition, a race, etc., you should be doing it for you.

I challenge you to think about why you are REALLY trying to reach your current goal! Was it your idea? What gave you the spark to really get going? If you have reached one of the stops on your road, what have you learned about yourself??



  1. Your story is a lot like mine. A LOT. I am constantly going through the same things with a negative person in my life and they seem to be hard to shake! You are doing a great thing for yourself. You ARE great. And it's an amazing point in your life when you can see that. Is it weird that I got texts like that 3:07 am on Saturday which continued into a diatribe on Sunday Morning?

    Honestly its about the people you surround yourself with Both in the blogging community and in the real world! I wish you all the best and success! I'm about 5 weeks shy from my first competition so I know how you feel

    You also posted on my blog about my sweet potato chips and not sure If I responded to you but it took a lot of turning the chips and at a low heat to make them crispy. Some of course were a bit soft but they turned out great. I need to buy a mandolin to get them that thin again because cutting by hand was a nightmare!

  2. I definitly struggled through crap relationships and as bad as they were they made me who I am today, driven, focused and unwilling to put a boy before MY needs.

  3. GIRL, THIS. Wish I could favorite a post! Brought tears to my eyes... I, too, have definitely been in my fair share of "non-relationships" with emotionally abusive dbags, but you know what? STRENGTH comes from walking away. So proud of you for letting his BS empower you instead of bring you down - veryyyy hard to do.

  4. I'm glad (and mad at all our previous jerks!!) that I'm not the only one that's been in this situation before. It gets tough. But you know what they say: When the going gets tough, the tough get going. It's just frustrating when someone you've put out of your life and your mind tries to pry their way back in.

    Luckily, I have an amazing friend here in town that has my back should anything get out of wack. He called me again at 3am last night... One more day/night of this and (un)fortunately I will be taking action--aka pressing charges for harassment.

    In the meantime, my workouts are not suffering, so yay!

  5. Definitely proud that you took the high road. My advice would be to ignore his texts and calls. Any response to him is going to condition him to keep trying until you respond again. I've had my share of bad relationships. One guy I broke it off with just went on a text rant about how horrible I was and what a loser I was and good luck finding someone to like me, etc. People who lash out like that are dealing with their own insecurities and low self-esteem.

    Lots of factors contributed to deciding to compete. One of them was to find a way to do what I love doing all the time, make it fun, and be the best I could be at it. Seeing the strides I've made with my physique through hard work and mental strength continually motivates me to do better and has built up my self-confidence... You have to feel good and love yourself before anyone else can :) Stay focused and keep on pushing yourself!

  6. I love the gym and diet because I have sole power over my results, rather than the rest of my life where it's always a toss-up!

    I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with "said boy". I see so many women who suffer from this type of relationship but I am SO happy to hear that you have come out stronger due to training. Muscles give us self-confidence that no one can take away :) hehe