Perspective Thursday

I feel like I'm looking out into the future and I can actually visualize myself coming along further than I have! For some reason, I woke up feeling better than ever! Might have been that Tylenol PM I took before bed. Not just better energy-wise, but so much better mentally and emotionally! I think since posting yesterday and verbalizing my desire to do the November 19th show, it seems that much more tangible. And it will be this time around!

I think my problem in the past was that I wasn't expecting life. I'm serious! I was probably a bit too ambitious looking to do a show in the months following graduation, but I learned that the hard way. And nonetheless, I still have a rockin' bod to show for all my hard work! I hit on it lightly yesterday, but I know I went into this training for all some of the wrong reasons. I wanted to look good--I wanted to be that girl that made heads turn and I figured the only way to do it would be to have my ass handed to me at the gym every day. I did it for very vain reasons. And I'm not ashamed to admit that, because I've found clarity and uncovered the REAL reasons for me wanting to compete.

It's not just about looking good anymore--and by looking good I mean being that thin girl. When I think of thin, I think back to high school when I was at the top of my game running all. the. time. Was I healthy then? No. My meals consisted of a protein bar or yogurt or cereal for breakfast, a salad from the school cafeteria for lunch (with fat free dressing of course), and another salad and/or a bag of Smart Pop popcorn for dinner. On occasion, I would occasionally eat whatever my mom made for dinner, but more than half the time I convinced her to make a salad. Sometimes I would even help :) But as you can see, I was not eating much protein AT ALL. There may have been a few grams in the yogurt and my salads were generally topped with one portion of some sort of meat--usually chicken or turkey. But not enough to make me feel any better than "skinny fat," and trust me, I only saw the fat part of that when I looked in a mirror. And yet, when I started this training journey, skinny fat was alright with me because it was still a far way off from my starting point.

No muscle tone! And yes, I did a summer
running camp...in San Antonio. And survived!

Skinny Fat--yuck!

My original goal was to achieve the body (and weight) I had back in high school. But back then, I was not lifting weights. I did an ab workout before bed (the same every night) and I ran. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying running is bad for you, and the workouts constantly varied, but I wasn't gaining any muscle. I was looking to be thinner, to run faster.

Training for a figure competition, I'm not necessarily looking to be thin; I'm looking to be strong. To feel strong. To show others that I am strong. It's all about strength now, and sorry to sound cliche, but I mean inner and outer strength. Sure, it's impressive to be able to deadlift more than your body weight, but inner strength is what takes me up that extra step to "Throw on another 5 or 10 pounds! Even if I can just get one, I will do it!"

I no longer want to turn head for being "that skinny girl." I want to turn heads for being "that FIT girl." This always cracks me up because in AP Bio, back in the day, we learned that fit refers to the ability to reproduce--trust me, THAT is not what I'm going for. Here, I'm referring to being in shape, of course! I want this competition almost more than anything right now (though a full-time job would be lovely...preferably one where I can stare at the sky all day)!

I look out, and I see the thing I want to accomplish:

• Increase weights in everything, especially squats, deadlifts, and bicep curls
• Get my abs to come out of hiding--I know they are there, they just have to show through!
• Work on my leg definition

I'm really not that worried with my upper body, because that comes together pretty well for me. But I just want to push that extra step and be the best, strongest that I can be. In order to get there, I have a few changes I'm incorporating into my morning C/A/C as I refer to it (calves/abs/cardio):

• Incorporate legs--alternate my sets of calve raises with sets of leg presses
• Switch up ab routine--incorporate more weighted exercises
• Throw in a few sets of leg extensions & leg curls every other day

In addition, I'll be doing another round of abs in the evening--I've done this the past 2 days, and it's actually helping alleviate what I was coming to refer to as "my evening bloat."

So there you have it--I have new motivation, new goals, and a NEW DATE! And to make it all that much more real, I'm greeted by this every time I walk into my bedroom:

MUCH more realistic!

I'm so happy right now, I can't really put it into words!