Stress-free Saturday!!

Wow, just wow! I feel SO undeniably privileged to have (virtually) met all of you readers/commenters! I don't know what I would do without you. I'd probably still feel like a mopey failure. You're comments have been so encouraging and understanding and I just love you all to death!

You all will be glad to know that I'm feeling So much better! Almost 100%! It really is unfortunate when you expect to be in one place in your life at a certain time and you don't quite make it there. But you know what they say: "If at first you don't succeed, try. Try again!" That's exactly what I'm doing. And notice that the quote doesn't say anything about failure. It's because not succeeding is not the same as failing. And I have come to understand that. And accept that.

I'm not a failure, I just need more time. I need more time financially and, let's be honest, mentally too. It was a very ambitious thing for me to choose this figure competition path during my last semester of college. Maybe a little too ambitious. That's not to say that I regret it, because I don't. If you remember, I chose training over my (former) sorority, and it was a good decision for me! I feel the healthiest I have since my senior year of high school, and honestly, I think I saved money making this decision. If I hadn't chosen this lifestyle, I would have blown spent copious amounts of money boozing it up at the local bars every night. And no, I'm not joking. Okay, well maybe every other night.

I've taken this as a learning experience--what I know is that I want to compete before the year ends. 2011 will be the year I choose to compete! What I don't know is when. I'm looking into shows, but I am not setting a date as of yet. I'm taking a couple weeks to mentally rest (and financially recuperate!). I still plan on hitting the gym twice a day most days. By now, it is habit, and I kind of really enjoy my 5:30am crowd (though maybe I'll push it back a half hour some days). I am not following a prep diet, but I am eating clean...with the exception of the Ben & Jerry's Late Night pint I have sitting in my freezer (but I promise I've only eaten 3 bites! That thing better last me a week of nibbling, it's so caloric!). I'm making smart choices. I'm going to take this time to build more muscle (or pseudo-perfect what I already have).

Also, my mom is no longer mad at me!! I think she was just worried that I did not have my priorities in order and I was making the figure competition my first priority when finding a job/making an income should be my first priority. She also thinks I've been blaming my problems on her, which I want to make sure that it's known that I don't. My mom is very supportive--she always has my back, even when I think the rest of my family thinks this lifestyle is crazy/I'm crazy. And of course she loves me (and not just because she has to)! I got to talk to her today, and it helped that I got the job offer from the new downtown restaurant! You're reading the blog of a future cocktail server! Okay, it sounds lame...but I promise it's better than it sounds. But of course that doesn't start for a couple weeks (same time that my LOFT promotion will start taking effect). So my life IS coming along...in 2 weeks!

And: about my fear of losing credibility--I'm not. I talked to Kevin and I told him I was worried he thought I was wasting his time. He assured me that's not the case. Phew! He was very understanding of the fact that sometimes life gets in the way. And he said exactly what you all said--there are going to be plenty more competitions. I need to make sure I'm in a good place to do one.

Anyway, it's getting a bit late and I'm going hiking bright & early in the morning at Humpback Rock--which I've never done before! But I just wanted to keep you all up-to-date with everything since my last post and let you know I'm in chipper spirits!! I'll return to my normal picture-laden blogging tomorrow or Monday. Until then, enjoy your weekend!!