Well I was working at Loft this morning, and I've been checking out the career website for the company my friend, Liz, works at (hehe, we have the same name!). I was totally not expecting anything today, although she has mentioned there are a few positions that were about to open up at her office, but I received an email from her via my Droid. She said the position was posted and sent me the job description and told me to act quickly. I fixed my resume as of last week, so all I had to do was write 2 cover letters. I don't know what about that email made me freak out, but my heart was racing. I still had 2 hours left of my shift and all of a sudden I felt like I was hit with a sack of bricks. My stomach felt odd, my head felt faint, and I just did not feel good. I wanted to get out of there, and I just needed to sit down, or better yet, lay down. I did manage to make it through those 2 hours, but it left me really wary because I had the same reaction when I went to turn in an application at a restaurant yesterday. I may or may not be tearing up just thinking about it.
I don't know what my lesson in all this is yet, and I can't say that I think I'm just more susceptible to emotions and panic due to my prep, because I don't think that's the culprit. I think being in school I felt cushioned--yes, I wanted more than anything to be done with classes, but you don't really enter the real world until you're out of school, trying to live on your own by your own means, and desperate for a job, any job. On top of that, there's that looming problem of deferred loans--all $15,000 worth of them. And parents wanting to know how the job hunt is coming and sending you links for dead-ends (aka jobs you are not qualified for). And friends and relatives and strangers wanting to know what you're doing with your life. It's all just so much and honestly, I HATE thinking about it all. I avoid it as much as possible. It makes me irritable with my mom, and I end up hanging up on her all the time because I feel like she's overbearing, but I know she means the best. I hate that I do that, but until something comes up, I can't really fix that. I try not to be so vulnerable about it, but it's inevitable.
That's why I'm crossing my fingers that I get this job at Liz's company. I sent in all my cover letters and my resume, and she gave me a stellar reference, so now I just have to play the waiting game. Which means that my cell is glued to me at all times, and I check it every 5 minutes just in case I don't hear it go off
I think tonight is going to be an early night to turn in. Which is probably for the best since tomorrow is leg day. And knowing Kevin, he will make me hit them hard. Not that I mind--I never mind
P.S. Sorry, no pictures! I don't really have many new ones, so I'll have to get on that soon! You know, by being a bit more social/interesting, etc.