Getting My Head Straight

Sorry I've been MIA for a few days, but I have some good news and some bad news. You know what I was hinting to for the past week? I think I've finally figured things out, so I'm ready to let you all know what's going on. I've been filled with frustration for the past week because I haven't been feeling great about my progress and I've been doubting whether or not I will be ready for my competition by June 12. This is something I've been feeling/thinking for a while, and I've decided that what I need to do is take a few steps back and start over. It won't really be fully starting over, as I do have all the training I've already done, so I'm at a better "starting point" than I previous was (having just come back from Spring Break when I started prep back in March). I've been feeling a little overwhelmed and confused when it comes to this decision, but I feel better knowing that the competition I had first looked into doing was in July rather than June.

To add on to the uncertainty of this decision, Kevin was out of town this past weekend and I was just recently able to get back to training with him. So that meant that, even though I had been having this internal debate, I wasn't able to bounce the idea off him. I still haven't broached the subject with him, but I'm hoping to do so later today. I'm definitely nervous/anxious to see what he says. And a little scared. I don't know why--I just don't want him to think I'm all talk and no action. I'll keep you posted.

Why have I been feeling bad about this? Where did my worries about my progress in my given timeframe come from? Well, it's just the little things here and there that I've noticed (and some big things):

1. I know this first one is ridiculous, but you know all those fitness magazines (like Oxygen, for example) that show the fitness models going through workouts? Well, I look at what they are lifting, and I look at what I'm lifting and I just don't compare.
2. Kevin has pointed out one or two women in the gym who do/have done figure competitions, and they are SO lean yet SO built, and I know I have a ways to go before I look like that.
3. I gained five pounds over Spring Break, so not only did I already have to lose those five pounds and get back to my normal weight, but I also had to drop the body fat that I needed to from my pre-Spring Break physique.
4. Another comparison, but when I met with Tracy this weekend for posing, my upper body was significantly smaller than hers (muscle-wise), and I know I need to build muscle before I enter my show.
5. I also spoke with a friend of a friend who trains figure competitors and does bodybuilding himself, and we both agree that my nutrition, although good for becoming "fit" is not spot-on and I need to rework that in order to give it my best. I also need to rework my workout schedule so I'm burning more fat instead of muscle. Not to mention I haven't been supplementing besides protein, so that needs to change.
6. Since I'm putting all this time, money, and effort into this competition, I want to do WELL. I want to place (fingers crossed!!), and I sure as hell don't want to embarrass myself. I want to go out there looking like I belong, not like I was unprepared and decided "What the heck, I'll do this because it looks fun." I'm a competitive person in everything that I do--prime example is that I was my high school valedictorian (I am normally more modest, but people tell me I shouldn't hide that fact)--and I want success.

I really have been enjoying all I've been doing so far--the training, the nutrition--but I just know that I'm not quite ready. Going through all of this has made me realize that I may want to do something entirely unrelated to my soon-to-be Envi Sci degree with nutrition or training as a career. They say you should do what you love right? In the meantime, my job hunt continues. 

I think that the date change is what's best for me, and it definitely takes pressure off since the competition would have been just 3 weeks after graduation. May is already a hectic month for me--yes, I do not have exams, but I have to find a career, I am going to see a competition in Richmond on the 7th, I'm running a mud run on the 13th, and then graduation is the following weekend. And I know I'm forgetting something, but I'm pretty sure I have a commitment the last weekend of May too. The only thing that has taken pressure off is that I FINALLY SIGNED MY LEASE TODAY!!! Ohhh that's right--that's what I have to do between graduation and the end of the month--move! Granted, it's only a few blocks away, but I don't like moving. My brother does have a truck, so Alex, if you are reading this and want to help me move...I'll pay you in either A. dog-sitting or B. beer (that I can't drink) or C. sisterly love. So you can see that I have my hands full. But Archie and I are going home to visit my mom tomorrow through the weekend, so hopefully that will relieve some stress!

Feeling a little better lovin' on the pup!

I would love to hear your opinion though--what do you think about the competition date change?? What should I change up if I do decide to go with the later date show?

P.S. I saw a black cat as I pulled into my driveway after work tonight--I'm not very superstitious, but I hope I don't have bad luck now!